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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She is in her 80s and been a life long smoker. She is going to keep smoking. Your expectations don't seem aligned with reality. She is addicted and will keep smoking. Focus on harm reduction and figure out how she can safely smoke in her space.

Whoever encouraged or supported her in moving into a non smoking environment is partly to blame.

[/quote]

I have zero expectations that she’s going to quit and at this point don’t want her to.  I just want her to quit smoking in her apartment.  She lived in two condos prior to this and had no issues smoking outside.  And she smoked outside at this place until about two weeks ago.  I visit her frequently enough to know.  I’m just not sure how to handle this new development.

And for anyone who has dealt with an elderly family member who has signs of dementia, the relationship does flip from parent/ child to child/parent.  So I did “catch” her and she denied and denied like a child.  I’m just trying to navigate this new situation.[/quote]

Is there a way to keep her cigarettes at a front desk? So, she has to go to the desk, take the one or two she's going to smoke, and take them outside? Her judgement and impulse control are declining, so the cigarettes themselves have to be doled out and policed. [/quote]

OP said there isn't smoking allowed anywhere on the grounds, but that they "turn a blind eye" to it happening in the parking lot.   If the staff is actually doling out the cigarettes, they won't be able to "turn a blind eye" anymore.[/quote]

Honestly I may broach it with them and this is a great potential alternative.  Because she can just walk off the grounds (it’s not a huge place, the public street isn’t far).  I may try that route first.  Thanks for the suggestion.

My son tried to explain vaping to her a few years ago, bought her a vape to try and she was lost.  She doesn’t do “technology” well.  And smoking is her thing- she put off knee surgery for 10 years because she didn’t want to go a day or two without a cigarette.  It’s controlled every aspect of her life my entire life.[/quote]

pp here- I have a son with ADHD and when he was younger I had to straight up limit access to screen, tech, etc. because his impulse control and judgement were so bad with these devices (arguing, not getting important things done, etc). The consequences could be 100 times worse than the five minutes of video games before he got "caught" and he would still do it. Until we gave him medication and his brain matured, keeping control of this stuff was the only solution...a long way of saying that "talking to your mom and explaining why she shouldn't be smoking in her apartment will never, ever work." It's a brain issue. [/quote]

Thanks for the perspective!  It’s just so hard to navigate.  We’re in the neurological testing phase to see if there’s anything that can help on that front.  [/quote]

Best of luck. This is really hard. [/quote]

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