Reply to Mad at son - would you incentive better behavior with bribes?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I get your feelings of empathy, but I think part of the issue is since it's just the two of you, you're going to be putting a lot of your energy into your son. Be careful to establish healthy boundaries.[/quote]

This is a good point, thank you.  I think I am overinvolved with him, that is fair.  I have to be on top of him for academics, since he has ADHD, but I should probably back off other aspects of his life.[/quote]

I sometimes feel over-involved with my son, too. He is an only, and we are very close. He also has learning disabilities, so I've needed to be more involved than other parents. However...like you I have had to realize that my son is his own person, with his own life and needs and wants and HE IS NOT ME. His choices don't make me a better or worse person, or a better or worse parent. He gets to be him. I have done things recently like not go to all of his sporting events, because I tend to care more than I should about them. I work to not ask too many questions, but instead listen to what my son wants to tell me or talk to me about, and if that is video games...okay. He is 16, so we are a couple of years down the road from you.

Could I recommend a book, given your son has ADHD? Have you read The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives. It applies even more to those of us with kids with learning issues, I think, because we so often think we have to control our kids more than other parents in order to keep our kids from failing, but we don't really. We do have to work harder, but over-involvement doesn't have to be the way we do it.[/quote]

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