Reply to Schadenfreude with my MIL

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Schadenfreude with my MIL"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m sorry that your child passed away. We lost a daughter during infancy and my heart goes out to you.

However, gloating that someone has a terminal illness or a life altering disease is not something kind people do. It’s probably good that your lack of courage is winning out over you feeling brave enough to say cruel things to family members, but the fact that you’re wishing for bravery to be cruel to someone isn’t decent. If their comment affected you that much, you might want to talk to someone about it (maybe a therapist if you’re already in therapy, but also a grief counselor or clergy could be helpful).

Also, assuming your readers are ignorant and don’t know what schadenfreude means makes you seem annoying. Good luck to your husband, who’s likely going to need emotional support while dealing with his father’s illness, and probably won’t get it from his life partner. [/quote]

Op is not gloating, she held her tongue, as she should, and is only revealing her thoughts here. I can totally understand her bitterness towards people who outright blamed her for the death of her baby, but when confronted about it, refused to apologize. Her reaction is only human.

Op, people blame for many reasons that have nothing to do with the person being blamed. I’m sorry they put you through that- losing a baby is hard enough.  I lost a baby to cancer and my mom blamed me too, and it made me angry. Eventually I realized it was just her way of processing such an unfair outcome with her limited understanding.[/quote]

Ok, maybe gloat is a strong word. But by her own admission, she’s taking pleasure in their pain. She literally defined her feelings and claimed them. She may be holding her tongue, but she’s using her fingers to wish she were bold enough not to hold her tongue. She’s not just hoping they learned from their mistake and that they’ll be kinder, she’s wishing she were enough of a bully to inflict pain by kicking them while they’re down. It’s beyond schadenfreude, it’s wannabe vengeful. Maybe she’s just not handling grief well, which is why I suggested grief counseling or other safe places to talk it out and find better ways to handle things. If her in-laws are truly that bad, she needs to learn better boundaries, in which case therapy can help. But carrying that much anger and wishing you could lash out at people who are sick because they wronged you previously isn’t healthy. I’ve lost a child. I know the feelings. People say dumb stuff that feels like a knife in the heart. It’s okay to drop them, but waiting around for them to experience pain so you can do a happy dance over their misery means you have more healing to do yourself, and there are people who can help with that. If FIL is dying, she needs to prepare herself for what’s coming with her DH, because it’s going to be a strain on them, especially when he starts bending over backwards to help them when they’re too sick or grieving to handle household chores, repairs, meals, and driving to doctor appointments, not to mention wanting to squeeze in all the quality time he can get with his parents together and his dad on their own. It’s about to get harder for OP and her extended family, not easier.  [/quote]
You’re being ridiculously dramatic.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics