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[quote=Anonymous]  I have lived this. I too thought my dad was the bad guy, but after he passed I realized their dynamic was dysfunctional and her behavior toward me is far worse and downright abusive if I don't set limits. My dad and I had a peaceful relationship, but she had me convinced he was responsible for her happiness as opposed to her own mental illness.

I basically kept boundaries. I stopped getting sucked into guilt when she complained about all her aches and pains and slights and hurt feelings. If I actually thought my kids were rude, I had the rude one apologize, but that was rare.

I don't show her much emotion. I remain calm. If she complains my kids don't hug and kiss her I explain we teach them to respect their bodies and if they don't like that kind of interaction, they don't have to engage. I do have them greet her kindly and be polite, but I support them when she tries to suck them into her crazy dance.

I have had to step back a lot-fewer visits, calls, etc because she cannot help herself. When she crosses a line I tell her. Sometimes we take long breaks. She tries to turn it on me and say she feels like she needs to walk on eggshells. That's fine. Walk on them. I expect people to treat my family with respect and we don't tolerate manipulation. if that is walking on eggshells, so be it. [/quote]

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