Reply to What’s it like loving an avoidant?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. For the avoidants  viewing can you tell us what it feels like to receive love? What is it about intimacy that scares you or turns you off? Are you capable of loving others? If so, how does this manifest itself?[/quote]

OMG- this whole thing annoys me because I started dating as an avoidant, but it isn’t permanent.  This isn’t a baby with temperament this is a way of engaging others.  Many therapists see the entire idea of avoidant attachment in adult relationships as causing huge issues in therapy because people think it is permanent when it is just a state. 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-mysteries-love/201502/attachment-styles-cant-change-can-they

I was a disaster in my first “relationship” but 20 years later, I am vastly different.  I couldn’t let the guy I was dating touch me because I was so avoidant (emotional/sexual abuse from dad at young age). I was just a mess.  Now, I have a pretty healthy relationship and have been married for 15 years.

Don’t think this is set in stone, it is a bad pattern, but can change. [/quote]

It actually is pretty hard wired, but it can be affected by context (e.g. An avoidant will probably be more avoidant with an anxious partner than with someone who's securely attached) and some conscious work. [/quote]

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/can_you_cultivate_a_more_secure_attachment_style

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