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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m 41 years old. My mom was a single mom and raised my siblings and me on her own. She died unexpectedly and suddenly last year at only age 67. I’ve never had a relationship with my father, so she was the only parent I ever knew. I’ve found myself feeling jealous of people who are my age and older and still have their parents or even really no feelings of sadness or sympathy for people whose parents are much older when they die. I don’t love that I have these feelings, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t. I have two young kids and it’s so hard to watch other kids with their grandparents. DH’s mom also died in her 60s, so we only have his dad who doesn’t spend much time with the kids because he doesn’t live nearby. Am wondering how others have dealt with these feelings and whether they ever fade? Thanks. [/quote]
I grew up with grandparents as babysitters and family holidays filled with cousins. Both my DH and I are only children and don't live near any extended family. His dad died when he was 10, and his European mom returned to her country for retirement when he went to college. My mom passed at 64 when my first kid was only 2yrs old. My much older dad lived with us for a few years prior to going to a nursing home and eventually passing when my oldest was 10 yrs old. I've always been sad that my kids never knew grandparents or cousins or big family gatherings. But I'm also aware of how different family dynamics are for so many people. Since we've never had any family obligations on holidays like Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, etc we started our own gathering traditions of hosting a party and inviting various other friends and neighbors who also didn't have a place to go.

The other things you don't see yet is that you won't be facing some of the many challenges that other face in their 50s and 60s trying to manage aging parents and juggling obligations of career, kids, college, etc. Listening to some of my friends lament their problems, I'm sure they feel a little jealousy of me not having those stresses. (Of course, I would have much preferred having my mom around for 20 more years and dealing with those stresses now.)

Your grief and sadness will always be there. But you can create different traditions that will be unique for your family.[/quote]

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