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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree with 2:46.  You are taking care of your mom, she is on vacation and irate with you for trying to do a good job which at that moment involves texting her. And YOU are now anxious because she's mad at you.

This is not a good dynamic, OP. You can maintain a good relationship with her and still not let her walk all over you. I know because I used to be a doormat.  I got a therapist for something else, and we ended up on this topic, and my therapist would literally give me the words to text, because I had ZERO training on how to establish or keep boundaries. It did not take long for me to learn, but I needed someone to teach me (at 54 years old) that there is something in between saying nothing and going nuclear.[/quote]

I don’t consider myself a doormat.  This is out of the ordinary for her.  I have empathy because she and her family live with my mom so she truly hasn’t gotten a break until this week.  I can understand her frustration.  I agree with previous posters who said this wasn’t really about me, just the situation. [/quote]

Not the poster you are responding to, but I am impressed with you OP. You due truly seem to have empathy and care about your sister and of course your mom. I think you both should agree that you both need breaks and make sure you both take them and have a rule that one only contacts the other for an emergency. It is an impossible situation and you both need to make sure you are addressing your own health and sanity needs. You and the other posters are right, this is not personal, but it's a red flag. I think you both will burn out if you don't figure out how to carve out safe time to decompress. There seems to be a great foundation between you and your sister and we don't want that eroding either. Please take care. Such a tough situation.[/quote]

I think we will have a conversation and how to avoid burnout when she returns.  For now I’m just going to let her enjoy the next few weeks with her family.

It’s so hard.   I think just being in the same house is a major stressor.  We, at one point, discussed having my mother move in with us but my mother wanted to be in her own home, understandably.  We may try “house swapping” every other weekend so she and her family can stay at our house solo.  We tried that once but her kids are also use to their own rooms in my mothers house.  It’s all just heavy.

I WFH and live less than a mile away so spend a lot of time at my mothers home.  I’m lucky that way.  When my Dad was sick we had to move close by and just stayed.  It was so hard but ended up being amazing for my kids to grow up im the same town I did and so close to my mother.

We have the resources and I have the flexibility and I know many families do not.  I don’t understand how people care for ill or dying loved ones without substantial family support.  Without the financial resources.  What do these sick people do?  As sad as this all is my mother has her two daughters and all her grandchildren right there with her.  When I think about people who are alone I just want to cry.  [/quote]

Sorry for getting off topic I’m just having an emotional day. [/quote]

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