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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Pp’s that clearly share my pain…do you ever consider your dh’s behavior to be abusive?

Perfect parents, please chime out.

-op[/quote]

10:29 here who grew up with abuse.  There was a time about 8 years ago when my DH was in a major depression.  A lot of people associate depression with lethargy but it can also manifest as anger, remoteness and short tempered - that was my DH. His behavior wasn't what I experienced growing up but he was so emotionally dysregulated and reactive that I felt it was abusive. He was yelling at the kids or throwing things or anything, he was just yelling and angry, but it is frightening and disturbing for kids to witness especially if it was their behavior that triggered it.

When it happened, I would immediately jump in to shut it down.  He could rant and rave all he wanted but not in front of us.  I did get to the point where I was ready to divorce, not just because of this but because of a lot of other issues with DH's refusal to treat his depression.  I came to the conclusion that the kids and I would be healthier without him.  Yes, he'd have custody 50% of the time but at least there would be 1 home that was stable and nurturing.  And, importantly, my mental health was taking too great a hit.  The kids needed at least 1 healthy parent.

After my decision, DH got his shlt together and we were able to get back to a healthy place.  Yet, the kids don't go to him when something is bothering them or if the subject is sensitive.  I'd say their relationships with their father are good but I don't think they trust him not to be reactive or to edit his own emotions.  [/quote]

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