Reply to Relatives' lack of interest in my father who had cognitive issues. Is this normal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The pain with osteomyelitis is dreadful. Combine that with out of whack blood sugar level on top of other health concerns and they are VERY difficult to be around. Friends not longer come by. Neighbors avoid the house. Relatives decrease visits. When they complain about the help you provide, it hurts. When they accuse you of stealing or mistreatment, you avoid. Very few can handle a routine verbal attack when they don't need to.

Curious did he also take to drinking to dull the pain? [/quote]

OP here.
Yes, I remember the pain he was in with osteomyelitis. Even the pressure of a sheet on his foot was unbearable.
He also later developed gangrene in his foot.

No, my father actually stopped drinking alcohol by that time. 
Not that he was reliant on alcohol but he loved food and drink, dining out, etc. I don't think he ever counted calories or looked at the sugar or fat content of the foods he ate.

My father was a lovely guy but he could be so stubborn. He took pride in the fact that he never needed to see a doctor in his life, and never needed hospital treatment. He was strong as an ox. So he never had any health checks.

Sadly for him he didn't/wouldn't recognize the early signs that something was wrong with his health. 
[b]If my mother been alive she would have dragged him to the doctor[/b].[/quote]

+1,000,000

OP I am the sibling that lives closest. A person can be very different for family far away than those who have to see them often. My guess is he was far worse with them than you think. I think it is disturbing that so much of your grief is focused on blame. I'm glad you aren't struggling with guilt that you didn't do more, but you have no right to place so much blame on people who did not owe him much. As another said, you hire caregivers, grocery service, etc. How much did YOU do for these relatives and how much did he do. Life is not all take, take, take. I think you have unreasonable expectations about what people owe your family.

Your relatives did the best they could with taking care of him. Sitting in judgment of them 14 years later for how they cared for him when you chose to be 300 miles away isn’t a good look. 
[/quote][/quote]

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