Reply to MIL subtly judgmental of teenaged DD

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DD13 is a lovely girl, though she’s a bit of a tomboy, if that’s still a thing you can say. She is clean and put together, but she doesn’t care if her hair is a little messy, prefers graphic tees and sports shorts or sweatpants. She also has a little acne, though she’s had intervention and uses meds.

MIL is always trying to take DD shopping for clothes she doesn’t want, tries to get her to take a shower and wash her hair, tries styling it in ways DD doesn’t like, gives unsolicited skincare advise. [b]DD thinks her grandma is embarrassed of her and is trying to change her. She says it hurts her feelings.[/b]

DH who doesn’t have a great relationship to begin with, excuses her behavior and says that’s just the way she is. But it clearly hurts DD feelings. [b]DD is afraid to speak up for herself, DH won’t. What can I do myself?[/b] [/quote]

Seems pretty clear that you will have to be the one to speak up, then. I don't think it has to be as fraught or dramatic as many of the PPs seem to believe. Just discreetly tell her what you've said here. "Barb, I know this isn't your intention, but when you have been saying things to Lily about her hygeine and personal style... well, it's starting to get to her and I think her feelings are being hurt. I'm sure she'd be mortified to know I'm talking to you about this, but I just want you to be aware as I'd hate to see something so silly get in they way of your relationship." Or whatever. Address it, but in the words of my mom, don't make a federal case out of it. At least not right out of the gate.

Also, maybe do a little damage control with DD. Acknowledge her feelings about what Grandma says, but also downplay the comments. "Grandma is a little old fashioned and doesn't understand what's normal for kids/teens these days. I wouldn't pay her any mind on this one."[/quote]

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