Reply to What do you do when your adult child goes into therapy and lays blame at your feet.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Making someone's life better than your own doesn't necessarily mean they had a GOOD life. If you were beaten twice a day and you only beat your child once a week, you still beat your child, you see?

Saying "I'm sorry if I contributed to your unhappiness...." is not a real apology. It's the word "if" that's the problem. You need to change it to the word "that".

But lets review what he's saying: his parents were fighting, you wouldn't let him be an independent thinker regarding religion, and on top of all that, he was isolated via homeschooling. Yeah, who wouldn't be upset by all that?! [/quote]

I am very sorry, but it certainly wasn't intentional to harm him.[/quote]

Dp. But you fought with your spouse in front of him. He likely feels like he was a bit player in your life, part of the background. Adults can rationalize so much bs, but children blame themselves, especially when they are no validated or valued. You aren't a bad person, but your son has issues from childhood. Apologize without qualifying, making excuses or making it about you. Attend a therapy session with him if he invites you. Validate him now. He's trying to feel better, facilitate that.[/quote]

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