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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you can certainly try talking to her and discussing expectations. My mother is incapable of rational discussion, empathy, or self-awareness at this point and she total rewrote history/lies like a rug about how much/how little she did for her own parents and inlaws.

So I have my boundaries. Period. if she uses any of her manipulation strategies I leave and skip visits. At one point she got really bad so I spelled out exactly what she does and if she cannot be appreciative then she should not expect any visits or calls. First sign of guilt trip I leave. It actually worked, but every single time she reverts back I leave or get off phone without apology. I now have a zero tolerance policy. We have so many stressful things going on in our lives right now that if she adds to it with this nonsense we cannot take another second. Too many years of her histrionics and verbal abuse.[/quote]

OP and yes, I can relate to the histrionics and rewritten history.  I grew up in an alcoholic household. My late father was a mean, abusive drunk and yet my mother stayed with him for a lifetime. Now we are expected to remember his birthday, their wedding anniversary, milestones in the past.

I need to adopt your zero tolerance policy; per a long ago therapist, I did this with my father. The moment he raised his voice, made a sarcastic comment or criticized me (and by this time I was a married mom), I left. I did this once but with a warning at the beginning of the visit. Maybe about 20 minutes in, I left. He never repeated the abusive actions.

Even family gatherings have to be all about my mom with the conversations going back to her. There’s no period of silence in her presence. If you are awake, you are engaging with her. We’d never watch a movie or tv or a sports program because she wants us to watch her.[/quote]

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