Reply to Advice on how to handle new info re trauma in birth family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi OP, survivor here. I know DCUM prides itself on having the highest pay grades around :), but as the saying goes - this is above DCUM’s pay grade. I would reach out to a therapist who specifically works with families where there has been sexual abuse and/or addiction. Go and talk through everything you are thinking and feeling, including ideas on next steps for yourself. Best of luck, whether it is true or not (and it is absolutely almost always true 99% of the time), [b]your family of origin and those relationships are already in a place that will never be the same, and this is something you will navigate for the rest of your life[/b]. Hugs. [/quote]

OP here. Thank you all for your responses, and for sharing your own painful experiences. PP here, thank you especially for this bolded sentence which exactly nails where I am right now.

You all are raising all the issues/questions/challenges swirling in my head. I already knew that all of us growing up in my parent's house experienced significant trauma, but now I'm discovering a whole new layer and that is what is changing things unexpectedly and permanently.

My sister has a whole team of people supporting her, and I have a great therapist so will absolutely use that resource. And certainly my brother has to have experienced a level of trauma about which I was unaware. It's all just awful, and so much more awful than I knew - and that's a lot to process.

At least my therapist is guaranteed continued steady income! (insert pained emoji here...)
[/quote]

Hi OP, I'm the PP who wrote that and I am glad it resonated. I totally get it. I am glad to hear you have a great therapist already! It is hard for people who haven't been there to understand, but the family you thought you knew ended the very moment your sister told you this about your brother. It doesn't mean a lot of these relationships don't have a future or that a new, better dynamic can't emerge one day, but the past dynamic cannot be reclaimed, returned to or "fixed" in any way. Good luck. [/quote]

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