Reply to Daughter basing college selection on where her boyfriend goes

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[quote=Anonymous]I wouldn’t. It’s her life. Right now, she sees the boyfriend as a significant part of it. He may or may not remain significant. Assuming the college she’s going to is accredited, she’ll be able to get an education and can transfer later if she wants.

I don’t think that going to the most prestigious school is necessarily the optimal outcome. I think the important thing is to get the best match between the student and the school, and the criteria for that is as individual as the students themselves.  Some may prioritize a small, close-knit, supportive college, with lots of personal attention, and would feel lost or overwhelmed at a large school. Others might feel vitalized by a large school and feel cramped in a small one. Greek/non-Greek, Rural/urban, near/distant from home, sports, music, faculty, expense, majors, class-size, etc., may all factor into a college selection.   Any of these can prepare a student for the future, assuming they apply themselves and use the opportunities provided.

Academic success and subsequent career trajectory are only part of her future. Each individual also needs to determine along the way whether they’ll find a partner, have a child or children, etc.  At this point it’s impossible to tell if they’ll end up together, much less build a happy life together, but that’s for them to decide. It might not be on the timetable you envisioned, but sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan.  If I thought he was abusing her or getting her into risky behaviors like drugs, I’d have a problem. Otherwise, her making plans to go to the same college as her boyfriend seems like a sensible choice.

You don’t seem to object to the boyfriend personally, just that she’s going to a lower ranked college than she might otherwise.  Living her life and building her future is more important than you bragging about her doing the things you value. It’s not about you. [/quote]

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