Reply to Not helping adult children because we want them to make it on their own?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I don't get the reasoning, OP: if your goal is for your DD to be sure medical training is for her, why does it matter how she gets her experience? Surely what matters is the actual experience. Maybe your connections aren't better than what she could find on her own, but she's asking, and she's young. Maybe you can help her (even by telling her that such and such attached to her school is actually more useful than the people you know).

On a separate note, I find it fascinating that you are adopting this approach of ground zero at every generation. Many families operate on the principle that future generations build on the success of past generations, and that's how you secure a better future for your descendants.

My husband is a research scientist. He clawed his way up to several terminal degrees (MD, PhD, several MS) from being a hungry war refugee. He sure as heck isn't going to let his kids suffer exactly what he went through! The entire point is to build on what other relatives have labored over and sacrificed for.
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The second para here stood out to me. Many work hard for build family network snd connections and wealth and pass access to that to their children. You decided your not doing that in at least part way. I think you need to tell your kid that and know that its setting her back amongst peers who do have supportive families using all the resources they have. She may still make it and it'll be a great accomplishment but so much harder. You value your kid having to work harder for her success than others. Thats fine but that's what it is and she can be mad about it and deem it unfair. [/quote]

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