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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here...

Thank you first responder. I appreciate your support!

Wow...there are some very interesting responses here that sound a lot more like what I shared triggered you. Sorry for that.

I trust the therapists I've sought advice from over the years and my own siblings who share and also continue to struggle with this very difficult relationship/situation over your insistence that I'm the problem. Doesn't sound like you've experienced having a mentally ill parent who will not get treatment.

My mother blew up relationships with all her siblings and my father's siblings when we were teens. We lost all extended family bc they refused to deal with her behavior. When I maintained a relationship with my same age cousins or as an adult reconnected with my dad's brothers I was berated for being disloyal.

My mother told me on multiple occasions when I was pregnant I shouldn't bother having any children bc I didn't live nearby her.

I left my own family here for weeks on multiple occasions and lived/worked from their house when my Mom had a surgery, and again when my Dad had a stem cell transplant and two other hospitalizations. Driving her to appointments, cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, stocking the fridge and freezer with premade meals before I left, keeping her company etc. I took all the abuse she dished out at me bc she was anxious or angry or frustrated and it makes her feel better to call her kids names and say hateful things. I handled it as best I could.

Those who know me know I've done a lot for my parents and most don't understand why I still do for all the things she's done to take her emotions out on me over the years.

I was just asking how others who might understand how they get through difficult times like this... If you don't understand, good, I'm glad you haven't dealt with this. I wouldn't wish this stuff on anyone.
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Hugs to you, OP. I had a similar situation before my parents passed recently. I don’t have professional level advice, only suggestions around the edges. I tried to spend as much time with my kids and DH as I could. Being able to spend time loving on them helped. We have had a dog most of the time for the past 20+ years - they love you simply for coming home and you can tell them anything and they will not look at you differently and they won’t repeat what you said. I also developed a severe reality television addiction to get a laugh from people getting so upset about the stupidest things. Finally, I kept my favorite “good cry” books and movies handy. When I needed to get out my grief and get on with my day, I could use one to trigger the emotional release that I knew would end up cathartic.

Take care of yourself and be well.
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A big issue here is that there are many older people-- in particular, babyboomers-- who refuse to go for therapy. Their parents never went to therapy, either, because that was for people who belonged in mental institutions. As a result, they never received help for anxiety and depression. Those with personality disorders think it's everyone else, not them. [/quote]

THIS, but even if you get doctors and relatives to FINALLY convince them to go to therapy, they are already 5 alarm fires. The idea time to go to therapy is early on when there is the spark of depression/anxiety or whatever setting in and you are seeing signs your coping mechanisms are not enough or you are choosing unhealthy methods. You work together to put out the itty bitty fire and prevent future flames from erupting. My mom finally tried therapy when 5 alarm fires were raging and then she raged when it didn't do much after a few sessions. She even tried meds and felt better over time, but every single time (and at this point it's probably dozens of times) she feels better, she goes off. Everyone has told her not to do that. It sets her back into rage fits and tantrums, but she is used to having disdain, and contempt for the mentally ill and she absolutely refuses to accept she HATED in others, what she truly hated in herself. She mocked the person debilitated by mental health issues as she raged at me (mostly), but also doctors and others when I backed off. She mocked people who can't coped with life all while she announced she would divorce dad rather than putting him in a memory care would he could be safe from her resentment and rage. Thank goodness the tides are changing and we see therapy more as part of wellness, strength and resilience, rather than as something to be embarrassed by and ashamed of.[/quote]

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