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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can you be more specific about what you mean by self-absorbed versus altruistic, OP?

I think it’s normal for people in their 20s to be fairly self-absorbed. They are building their adult life and if unmarried and childless, this is a very good time to focus on yourself and your needs. Most people eventually marry and become parents, and that process shifts your focus (or at least divides your energies) onto other people. But before that happens, I personally think it’s okay to put yourself first. I think it can even help make people more altruistic long term because you learn how to care for yourself which is necessary for giving to others. I don’t believe in being so selfless that you neglect your own needs. That ultimately serves no one.[/quote]

You are really expecting her to have the perspective of someone your age without having the years of experience to go with it. She can't.  Don't over inflate the grandma thing. If you need specific help, ask for it, but don't ask her and say she had to do it bc it's her grandma and she should want to do it, etc.  You probably complained a lot about your mom over the years and she probably wonders why you want her to pander to someone who was so awful.

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