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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are two posts in the relationship forum re: dud husbands/wives, so I thought I'd start one here for dud children. Anyone willing to admit they have dud adult kids? I married a dud (divorced), and I feel like my kids are turning out to be dud'ish like him. It makes me so sad because I suspect that dud-like behavior is hereditary. For the record, three boys, 20, 22 and 26. [/quote]

Not sure if this is a troll post...but if it isn't, OP-would you feel the same way about your kids if they were three girls? Also, they are still young and lots of young folks are not fully ripened yet. It seems early to decide they are 'duds'. I have 4 of my 6 kids in their 20's and there is a huge difference between 20 and 30.[/quote]

Op here, and no this is not at all a troll post. And yes, if they were girls, dudness would likely be more pronounced since society is harder on women. I'm not being hard on my kids; I am calling a spade a spade. They are very similar to my ex as far as low ambition and pulling teeth to get small tasks completed.

I started the s/o thread to attack/identify the root of the problem: Dud adults/spouses were once somebody's dud children. The problem with assigning youth as an excuse is that the husbands and wives who are current duds were likely that way in their 20's too.  I am certain their parents saw it and happily married the kids off to be someone else's problem. No way in hell dud-ways first emerge in a marriage. If you are married to a dud, you were dud-duped.[/quote]

Off topic- but I see the sentiment of “parents happily marrying off” their problem child to “be someone else’s” problem on DCUM frequently. As though in the US we have arranged marriages! What do parents have to do with their kids’ spouses deciding to marry them? [/quote]

Sometimes they just up and leave the child (move across the country without telling them) or otherwise just refuse to be parents. Ex: Left 19yo in the hospital and told my sibling who was recently dating her "good luck, they are your problem now". Said if she committed suicide that it would his fault and that she definitely would if he broke up with her. He's a good person-and refuses to leave the abusive and coercive relationship. The girl-young woman-in question needs help but she has professionals for that and my sibling is not qualified. She demands he leave work constantly to accompany or otherwise babysit her.  She's a dud. I feel like he's stuck and her off mannerisms/behavior wears off because they are together so much.  They are now effectively common-law married and unfortunately looks like we're stuck with her. She is horrific to the rest of the family and is banned from two homes now.

Fwiw, her mother is SAH and her father is retired. There is no reason they can't tend their own child. [/quote]

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