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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Anyways, my sibling started therapy awhile ago and am beginning to think I need to as well. There's a lot I see that I need to work through as I look back on what I wrote. Thanks for the feedback- both positive and negative. Obviously this is taking up a lot of mental space in my head, and I am tired of it. Appreciate those who were willing to read just so I could get some of it out and stop thinking on it. [b]I don't want to be my mother constantly stewing on things.[/b]... [/quote]

OP, new poster. Please do get therapy. Your sibling already knows it can help. See the bold above: You are already aware that you are at risk of "stewing" [i]just like your mother does[/i] and if you want to break that cycle, and to STOP giving her so much of your mental energy--you need an outside, objective, third party to help you. In other words, a therapist. There is so, so much more going on here than the incidents around your father's ashes and all the back and forth about that. A lifetime of interactions is at play here. I suspect your mom has a mental illness and if you and your sibling want to get out from under her-- you need to get into therapy.

[b]Most of us have what I call "mental real estate." It's limited. [/b]There is only so much space in our minds and attention span and we have to ensure it doesn't get hogged by negative people, by "stewing" over things, by perseverating over things. Your mom is, understandably, taking up a huge amount of your mental real estate. Far too much. You need therapy to help you readjust and learn some specific boundary-setting techniques. You CAN do this, OP! But don't try to do it solo. 
[/quote]

Yes. And OP, the fact that you can't talk about this on DCUM, a group of total strangers, without going on for several massive paragraphs, is a sign that you are getting overwhelmed by the situation. This isn't going to be the last time family dynamics and your mother's behavior take over your life. Get help. [/quote]

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