Reply to Would you marry a man who has a bad relationship with his mother?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^^

Yeah 13: 57 here again and I totally agree. This entire board is full of spouses who won't seek therapy! Spouses who are inconsiderate, abusive or mired in crippling depression. I would link but it is almost every thread! One PP said something like "well, if he's kind and gentle and treats you well, it's fine". I completely disagree. This is a version of the "is he nice to the waiter" type test. The reality is that to deal with terrible family baggage you need to learn the non screwed up ways of functioning, if that's through therapy or self help or whatever. Being "kind" isn't the point. Plenty of kind people are still very damaged and would make poor husbands.  [/quote]

I dated a man who was kind and gentle and treated me and other women well for ten years. He wasn't close to his mom, but he was one of the good ones, and he didn't need therapy to get there. I'm not sure there's a true "test" for anyone, but I do find those attributes important in a person I'm dating or married to. Sorry I didn't write a novel, but my answer is still "yes, I'd marry a guy who had a bad relationship with his mom." Btw, I also dated a guy who hated (hated!) his mom, and it was clear he had tons of baggage and needed therapy. I would not have married him for anything. I think he was a nice enough guy (kind to waiters, etc.), but it just felt like deep down he might me a woman hater. So, yeah, it can go both ways. Every situation is different; you have to take your time and get to know the person and listen to your gut. If you feel something's off, it probably is. But if he's not displaying any issues, it's unfair to pin them on him simply because he doesn't like his mom.[/quote]

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