Reply to 24 year old DD angry at her dad post-divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband's parents divorced when he was 23 and he was pretty pissed. [b] His parents seemed to think he should instantly accept their new significant others and their SO's children everytime he saw his parent.  He was given no choice in who he was supposed to consider to be his family.  He just wanted to come home to see his parents and sister, not a bunch of random strangers too.  He also hated all of the pressure to ensure both parents got exactly equal amounts of his time and  attention every single holiday.  [/b]

I'd lay off your daughter.  She's allowed to be pissed and she probably should be.  You broke up her family.  Your ex is going first by getting a SO, but I'd expect her to react negatively when you eventually do the same.  While you may care about the new SO, don't expect her to do so.  Take her relationship with them very slowly and don't force them on to her.  If you include your SO in every gathering (or even most gatherings) with your daughter, she will feel like she's lost you to him and his family.  Don't do that.

Also, stop lying to her about the reason your marriage broke up.  When she blames your ex, correct her.  Tell her that you wanted the divorce.  [/quote]

page out of my life! this was my exact experience when my parents divorced when i was 24. i played along for many years because i was a people pleaser and thought i was "helping" minimize the disruption of the divorce for "all of us." i didn't even realize that's what i was doing at the time. it would take me another 5-10 years before i could really feel my true feelings about what had happened and adjust my relationships and my boundaries accordingly.

i wish OP's family all the best, truly, but those of you who think divorcing when your kids are older means it will be easier -- this is not the case. [/quote]

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