Reply to 24 year old DD angry at her dad post-divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ex and I had an amicable, conflict-free divorce soon after our DD graduated from college. We're both much happier now. I asked for the divorce because our interests had diverged and I mostly wasn't interested in negotiating the rest of my life. I wanted more freedom and autonomy than I had while raising DD. Despite our reasons for splitting, I think we maintained a mostly healthy, happy home for our DD together.  He was always an active, involved, responsible parent. My ex did not want to tell DD that I asked for the divorce because he said it was a joint decision.  A couple months ago, when he announced he had a serious new partner, DD went ballistic at him. She blames him for all the unhappiness in the marriage in ways that I don't share and credits him with none of our good times. Our formerly happy and well-adjusted child now describes our home life as unrecognizably awful. DD and I still talk every few days but she has pretty much cut off communications with my ex. He writes her every week not expecting any response. I know it is making him miserable and he is desperate to reconnect with her.  He reaches out to me when he really wants to know what's going on with DD. He tells me that he doesn't think there is anything he can do except wait and stay constant in his desire to connect and build an adult relationship. I sympathize for him and I want my DD to have a loving relationship with her father. [b]Part of me wants to tell DD that it was my decision to divorce and to stop blaming her father. But mostly I think that my DD and ex need to figure it out themselves to move forward. Is there anything I can or should think about doing to facilitate their reconciliation? It's not my role as a parent of an adult child or as an ex-spouse, right?[/b] [/quote]

You should tell her the truth.  You and your XH are lying to her with the intent of manipulating her feelings and her behavior.  It isn't a fair or ethical way to treat anyone, let alone your own daughter.

You need to stop thinking you can control this situation.  She's already been forced to accept your divorce and if you try to pressure and force and manipulate her in further ways, it will only damage your relationship.  She will think what she thinks and do what she does, and it's between her and her father to work it out.  He will have to be patient and he will have to consider whether he wants to force his new girlfriend into her life right now.  Tell your daughter the truth, accept the blowback, and butt out of her relationship with her father.[/quote]

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