Reply to How can we better navigate this beach house dynamic?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Part of what you are describing commentary-wise sounds like [b]the habitual script of aging folks who are basically narrating their day and have NO IDEA about the way that it affects you, your family, and your experience.[/b]

In alignment with the "very direct" comment, I'd suggest that you write down 1) your planned daily beach schedule and 2) your plan for the dinner you host and 3) whatever else you want to be off limits commentary-wise. Share it with your inlaws ahead of time. Make it clear to them that this is your plan and that if they cannot be happy joining you at the beach while you vacation in a way that works for your family, you won't be able to do the trip anymore. The purpose of writing it down is so that you can all reference a shared understanding of your preferences. "Mom, as we told you, we're not going to do the beach in the morning." Otherwise, they will lapse back into their habits and potentially not even realize they are doing it.

[/quote]

Yup.  MIL isn't attacking you, she's just talking talking talking.  She probably does it all day, every day at home.  My SIL does this - silence is her worst enemy for some reason.  I just mentally prepare myself for it and try not to let it get to me.  If I really engage her in a deep conversation (I learned so much about my nephew's birth this year!) then it's not bothersome because it's not just chatter.  But if you just ignore it they fill the air with more and you are more irritated and they're still oblivious.

I don't agree with people saying "just wake up and walk away for bagels" I think you should tell them the night before.  "Don't wait breakfast on us, we're going to go to a bakery at 9:30."  [/quote]

OP said they are telling ILs directly don't wait on us, etc and it doesn't work.  They continue with their big breakfast.  So the suggestion (I made it) was physically leave.  But sure, you definitely tell them what you are doing.  Didn't mean to imply just disappearing.  Tomorrow morning, we're going to get breakfast at a bakery in town.  We're happy to bring something back for you.[/quote]

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