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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not currently in therapy, but will likely start again. My child is at an age which, I believe, is triggering me and bringing up these feelings. I look at her at this age and remember my life at that age and I think what the actual f*#$!?! You know? I feel fresh anger and I want to yell at my parents and tell them did were terrible. It would blindside them because I'v played the role of peacemaker and dutiful child. As others have mentioned, I can't and don't rely on them for anything and I've established and maintained boundaries without too much pushback. I just really want some justice or revenge or...something.[/quote]

NP.  I just want to say that when my 2 younger kids (I have 3) were the age my younger brother and I were when I first remember abuse, I went into a tailspin.  I'd had some counseling about how f@cked up my childhood was, was in a good place with a great DH and had a stable home life.  I thought I'd put it all behind me.  Then, seeing how my 2 youngest interacted and their relationship, it was so much like my younger brother (who killed himself when he was 21) and I that I was triggered/re-traumatized.  I went back to counseling but it really didn't help.  It was so very raw and my mother's complicity (my father had been dead for over a decade) in it just flooded me.  It was a horrible time for me.  I just couldn't understand how someone could do what had been done to us - and do it for years!  I couldn't believe that my mother had let that happen.  If anyone had done that to my kids even once, I, literally, would kill them.

Luckily, my mother lives 600 miles away and I didn't have to see her.  She remarried after my father's death and was tightly wound with her 2nd DH's family.  She sensed something was wrong and kept trying to reach out but I just blew her off.  I have an older half sister from my father's first marriage and she reached out to me to see what was going on.  I was able to talk to her about it and, honestly, that was better than going to a counselor.  She, too, had been a victim and knew what I was going through.

That was about 15 years ago and my relationship with my mother has never been the same.  I'm able to see her, she even comes to visit now, but I have a wall with her that will never come down.  I haven't sought an apology/acknowledgement because it won't make any difference.  This is a direct result of her choices.  She's lucky we have any kind of relationship.

I just wanted to post to let you know that what you're going through isn't uncommon.  Now that you're an adult, you get to make the choices that are best for you.  You get to decide if you have a relationship with your parents and, if so, what kind.  I'm in a good place again but can never have a 'normal' relationship with my mother.  Hugs. [/quote]

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