Reply to How to forgive parents when they've never apologized?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I grew up in an exceptionally dysfunctional home with 2 siblings. The dysfunction involved neglect and alcoholism. At 40, I realize my parents have never changed in my lifetime. The only difference is they are getting older. My siblings and I had to fend for ourselves from a young age. Everyone in the family acts like things were normal and that we're not affected by the dysfunction. I have had a few rounds of therapy and have grown, but still feel a need for recompense for what I've been through. [b]They will never acknowledge what they put us through and my siblings won't either.[/b] How can I move on and heal without getting an apology from my parents? [/quote]

One classic aspect of alcoholism in a family is the denial that anything is happening, and the unwritten rule that everyone is supposed to pretend it's not happening and NEVER talk about it. That warped dynamic is one of the reasons alcoholism in a family is so damaging. Don't expect your parents to apologize unless they go to AA.

If I were you, I would not cut off your parents, as some have suggested, unless the damage is ongoing. You're talking about things that happened in the past. Dealing with that is now in your control. Go to a therapist to figure out how this has affected you. Also try to figure out why your parents were the way they were. Try ACOA groups -- they're really helpful.

Your parents are damaged goods, for probably a long list of complaints from their OWN childhoods. But you're still better off with them in your life than not (unless the damage is ongoing).[/quote]

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