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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to dump this man. Seriously. Huge red flags

Generally speaking it's when you're both comfortable. I think low pressure events are best no holiday dinners as first intros just too stressful.

Unless you have a history of dating inappropriate people or demanding your nieces and nephews call your boyfriends uncle your siblings need to STFU.

I don't believe in introducing minor children ( meaning your son or daughter) until you both know each other well enough to get a good read on each other and feel the relationship is headed towards marriage which generally doesn't happen at 3 months.

That your boyfriend is giving you several ultimatums is concerning
 It's also concerning that he doesn't understand how complicated things can be for a child meeting their parents SO.

I get the vibe you're a people pleaser making you a target for loons.

Draw your boundaries op especially when it comes to your kid and hold firm.
[/quote]

When you and otter's say red flags, what do you think they are red flags FOR? I haven't ever really been with someone like him, and if there is another shoe towrope I don't know what it is/could be. Like if someone had a really bad temper outburst or punched the wall it might a red flag for future violence, but I don't know what this is a potential warning for?[/quote]

As PPs have said, the red flags are the ultimatums which are emotionally manipulative and controlling, especially since they're not for issues that are critical to your relationship.  Ultimatums are the nuclear option.  Him issuing ultimatum regarding meeting your family 5 months from now when you've only been dating 3-4 months is ridiculous.  If you'd been dating for over a year and declined to have him meet your family when opportunities were available, that would be different. You'd be at a point where it would be odd NOT to have your family meet someone significant to you AND with whom you have history.

What's even more troubling is his attitude regarding meeting your child and how that would determine whether your relationship proceeds.  It speaks to a lack of empathy and understanding of the child. It's a very self-centered, self-serving view that does not bode well for any kind of relationship.  I'd also say it's a very immature take - not to mention controlling.

As a PP noted, these are major boundary challenges. No one your dating should ever dictate how/when they are introduced to their partner's family or EVER what is best for your child.  I'm sure if you look back in your relationship with this person, he has been presumptuous/dictatorial/overly assertive about other stuff as well.  Serious red flags. [/quote]

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