Reply to Just not sure about having another baby

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If this was something you knew was important to him when you married him then you better have a heck of a reason to change your mind, one stronger than “I want to lay out at the pool.” [/quote]

It’s more than the pool.  I think I still might have some stuff to unpack from my divorce (when kids were a toddler and a baby).  I had absolutely no help and was flat broke - it was extremely stressful and lonely.  I had PPD/PPA and no resources.  I really dislike being pregnant - I gain a ton of weight and am generally miserable.  I restarted my career and am in a good place and am afraid I will never have the opportunity to re-enter the workforce.  Im also be  eh stressed about: the Russia-Ukraine war, the state of our democracy, climate change, school (etc) shootings, Covid/monkeypox etc etc, and the like.  The world was different when I had my first two.

Also, losing a baby in the second trimester was very difficult. It’s just hard for me to muster excitement when it seems like things are so bleak and uncertain. [/quote]

Hi op. I think your feelings are so valid and normal, especially with such a late loss. I would really recommend talking to a therapist to process these feelings. It sounds like you’re getting to the crux of this, and like your ex was not a supportive partner with your first two which I can only imagine would make already very hard years impossible. I do think it’s something you want to do your best to work through, since it’s important to your husband and going back on something this important can be relationship shifting and ending, so talking to a professional is not overkill. Especially because it sounds like you may be having some anxiety a little beyond the norm about world events since it’s effecting your decisions.

I would also encourage you that it’s very possible while the pregnancy will like be a pain in the a, and I mean personally I’ve never found a newborn period I liked with either of my kids :) but that generally parenting this child may be quite different in the early days than with your ex since you have a supportive partner. Those early days a lot still falls on mom no matter how you slice it but having a supportive partner makes a big difference.

As for work, I don’t think it’s all or nothing. Could you take a longer leave but not quit? I took 8 months with my second for similar reasons and I have not regretted it and I swear people don’t really notice the difference between say 4 months and 6 or whatever. When I came back people were SHOCKED when I told them my baby was 8 months haha. Though I was able to have someone detail in my position so that helped.[/quote]

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