Reply to Tricky situation- new boyfriend's ex is sick

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ask him what he needs/wants. Be open and flexibile to change. He might THINK he needs XYZ now, but in a month he might actually find out that he needs ABC. That's OK.

Don't get jealous or insecure. [b]Be kind and generous at all costs.[/b] Send her food and flowers with your BF once in a while.

You know what? You'd do the above for your co-workers so do it for somebody important to your BF.

Have you heard of the ring theory? Your BF's ex is in the middle. Your BF might be a ring around that. You are a ring outside that. You always support inward, and dump outward. So your BF will be unconditionally supporting his ex. He might "dump" (emotions, chores, anger, etc) outward (toward you!). You are there to support your BF (he's a ring inside yours) and you will dump out to another friend or therapist (or DCUM) as needed. But your complaints do not go further into the ring.

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No.  Be kind, sure.  But not at all costs, and there is no reason ever to let yourself be used or mistreated.  Not saying this will happen, but you are nobody's emotional dumping ground, nor should you be.  Especially after only 5 months.[/quote]

+1 not at all costs.

i would say just talk to him about this, and also be prepared that things might change during the course of this - and be ready to reevaluate how this is going for yourself as that happens. you are not married to this man. you haven't signed up to stand by him while he takes care of an ex (if that's what actually happens). on the other hand, if you see him being compassionate and caring during this, it might be a good clue to you that he really is a good long term partner - you'd want someone who would care for you if you were sick.

but also, if you were in this because dinner out a few times a week is what you're up for, you are not obligated to stay committed in this relationship. [/quote]

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