Reply to Emotionally Abusive and Highly Reactive DH

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Emotionally Abusive and Highly Reactive DH"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]record him. record his abuse, record his threats. Save every email and txt exchange.

Ask him why he is determined to be miserable and make his family--the people in the world he is supposed to care about the most--miserable too. Note that you are on vacation! VACATION. Are these the memories he wants to leave his children with? And I would ask you the same. I think divorcing sooner, rather than later, is in your children's best interest.[/quote]

NP here. Sometimes, childhood events and upbringing trigger abused boys who become abusive men.

For example, OP's DH may have been mistreated when their family went on "vacations" - where the parents dictated, feigned being oblivious to the mistreatment, or were wrapped up in themselves (selfish or mental illness) and turned a blind eye to the siblings, and how they treated/ganged up on each other. For some people, meal time is a trigger, as they may have been subjected to atrocities (silently, passively aggressively, or not) and they (DH) consequently do not look forward to what should have been a pleasant, bonding family time. Understandably so!

Instead, "family time" has a negative connotation, and makes them (DH) flip out because of their negative association/expectations. It is not an uncommon phenomenon, especially with the 1950's/1960's/1970's era parents who were more self involved and paid far less attention (some barely any) to their kids and how they felt, or how they were being treated - while the parents smoked cigarettes and drank martinis at 5:30 PM each night, and ate dinner (sometimes canned Spaghetti-O's) not a minute later than 6 PM. The "children should be seen and not heard" mentality gone awry. Imagine growing up in that era, with a dysfunctional and checked out family.

Not saying it is an excuse for the men/adults who lack coping mechanisms, just saying this explains a lot.  Has your DH tried a therapist that could help him express himself better, OP? [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics