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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It wouldn’t even occur to me to include a 4 year old on a mall outing with the tweens, not even a sibling let alone a cousin.  Are you the only one expected to take the 4year old when the older cousins get together, or are your other siblings doing this too?  unless the parents needed someone to watch him sure, but I wouldn’t automatically be including a kid that I needed to babysit, cousin or no cousin. [/quote]

Op here- I only have two kids, the tween/teen. The older cousins are matching tween/teen too. The older kids grew up practically like siblings/best friends. They get along very well.

As far as expected, now that he is aware I feel a certain expectation and obligation to not leave him behind when I take the older kids to do anything. The little cousin is wonderful, sweet and his behavior is not an issue at all. I love him.

In my mall example, I do need to stay there because I have a tween and it is far for me to get to Tysons corner. But instead of running my own errands or shopping I was basically babysitting/parenting a four-year-old; and every single one of you with little kids know exactly what that’s like. Even when they’re really well behaved it’s still on their time, not really yours. So that’s just one example of many other events. Even when they just come over to my house, he comes over too and instead of being able to move along with my day I’m doing 4 year old things. They come over a lot.A lot.

[b]I already feel like a jerk for even thinking leaving him behind when the older kids have activities so you don’t need to convince me that I’m a bad person.  And to be clear, I have never excluded him these are just thoughts in my head. Maybe I just needed to verbalize and write it out as a form of therapy.[/b]

Somebody asked if I love being an aunt and the answer is yes, very much! That’s why the older kids have grown up with me and I would like to think they love me as much as I love them.

[b]The issue is that instead of sending the kids off on bikes around the neighborhood, or going to 7-Eleven, or meeting up with her other friends I am now also in addition am once again parenting a four year old which is why I asked if it was a jerk thought of me and the answer is yes. I guess.[/b][/quote]

New poster.

OP, please, please STOP.

You are not a jerk. At ALL. Please ignore the idiot posters slamming you as a terrible aunt for not accommodating a four-year-old every time that tweens/teens want to do something. You are in fact teaching your youngest nephew -- and by extension, his parents! -- that whatever older kids get to do, a child who is, let's be blunt, vastly younger, has the right to do it with them, or at a minimum get an equivalent outing so all is "fair" and he's "not left out."

I'm amazed you cannot see how skewed this is. And it's not good for your nephew.

Did you never have to tell one of your own two kids that he or she could NOT tag along with sibling on an outing, to an event, etc., because that activity was the sibling's thing? Did both your kids do everything joined at the hip or at least, in your mind, "equally"? Did you feel obliged always to give one of your kids Something Nice because the other got Something Nice? I hope not and I doubt it. So why is your nephew being dragged along? Because you feel sorry for him and somehow have the idea that he deserves always to feel he's as included as the older kids.

Have you never heard the idea that [i]fair does not mean equal, fair means everyone gets what they [u]need[/u]?[/i] It's a good rule of thumb for raising kids who do not feel they are entitled to do and get everything their siblings--or cousins--do or get. A four-year-old can learn that he gets his own fun at times but does not get to tag along or get something every time his siblings do something. [i]There should be privileges with growing up and getting older and more independent; the older kids get those privileges. He doesn't. Why does that reduce you to calling yourself a jerk and feeling guilty? It's parenting (or "aunting") 101.[/i]

And with a child so young as your nephew, he is being taught that he's entitled to his own version of the older kids' fun Every. Single. Time.

OP, you will be a good aunt if you occasionally do something age-appropriate with him and only him, rather than caving to your guilt and involving him every time his older siblings and your kids do something! Your worry about hurting a four-year-old's feelings is frankly out of whack here. No one wants to hurt a kid's feelings. But you (and again...where are his parents in this? Letting YOU take him for fun whenever the kids go out? Free babysitting, much?)...you are setting him to up expect this is always what he gets.

He is four. They are 14 and 12. They have things in common and should see each other. You should not feel that that means you must entertain him at the same time yourself. I'm sure he's lovely so do things with him that are not linked to when the older kids get together. Or, gasp, let his parents have some great "alone time" with him while you chaperone the older kids, or THEY drive the older kids while you take nephew out solo--but you do so because you want to, not because you feel guilty if he's "left out."

He will only feel left out if the adults go around clucking over him and telegraphing the message that he [i]should[/i] be treated to an outing whenever the older kids are. Just stop with this. [/quote]

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