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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH and I have been together for 4 years, married for 2. MIL lives out of state and we don’t see her much. Especially with COVID restrictions the last few years. I don’t like MIL due to some things she did to me (lied) and how she interacts with DH (enmeshed).

This situation mostly works for me because I rarely have to see or interact with her. We have groups calls on holidays and text on birthdays. This works for me. MIL is coming to visit in 2 weeks and DH is pushing me to spend more time with her and develop a closer relationship. I don’t want this at all. I’ll be polite and friendly, I just don’t like her. Independent of DH, I’d never interact with her.

DH’s ex wife is very close with MIL. I don’t mind this relationship, as it has nothing to do with me or my marriage. They still get together frequently and talk weekly. I think that type of relationship is what DH envisioned for MIL and I.

How do I convey gently to DH that I’m not interested in this at all? I’ve pointed out that DH doesn’t call my parents. And that[b] I’m not that close with my parents. [/b] I think one-two weekend visits a year are enough. He wants to include her on family vacations and discuss our family issues with her. [/quote]

This is the most important part of your whole post.  You don't understand "family" because you don't act like a family with your parents.  Explain that to your husband.[/quote]

NP. Your premise that every family acts the same way, that there's some standard of closeness that equals "normal," is rude. (And before you attack me, I am close with my parents.) There is no one way to "act like a family." My dad and his sister (who lives nearby) are both introverts, and don't call/see each other all that often. I think some people would say they don't "act like family" by some random standard. But my dad was there for her when her husband died and she needed him more often, and she has dropped everything to be there for my mom when she had a health situation and needed some help. So they are there when the chips are down, and that's family! I know some people who are the exact opposite, they chat all the time but when it comes to needing real help and favors, well somehow they don't materialize.

Regardless of OP's relationship with her own parents, she doesn't like her MIL and isn't comfortable being one on one with her. Which is FINE. If DH is so interested, he can set up get-togethers that don't involve MIL and his wife being alone together. I like my MIL, but I don't call her and most of our communication goes through DH. We don't hang out alone. And that's fine. [/quote]

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