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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't have kids. Have two sisters who are local, with four wonderful nephews and a niece (11, 6, 5, 3.)
I've been a nanny + ad-hoc sitter for 15 years and while I try not to, my experiences with all the families I've worked for really affects how I tend to interact with my little family members in a negative way, that's more obvious as they get older.

I'm very used to working for families in which there are expectations; kids need to help put away toys after playing, put dirty dish after meals in sink, throw trash in trashcan, you can't have unlimited screentime/use adults' phones when you want, candy/soda/other sweets and sugary foods are cool here and there but not unlimited.

So this is often what will happen, and btw, the 11 year old is great, rarely any issues and we hang out often. Kids will come over, raid pantry, don't throw away their trash and when I ask, whine or cry (literally) want to use my phone on the reg, will take out a bunch of toys and make a big fuss about helping to pick up after, even with me helping. This literally happens almost every single time. The place is a mess after they leave and I'm vac, cleaning and straightening up [b]for 30min after[/b]. I've become quite a bit annoyed with these visits. Same when going to my sisters and helping to watch them. The thing is, I've noticed that the kids are able to really get away with stuff in their homes but it's not my place to mention so I rarely do. When I did years ago, it didn't go over well, and I get it. I'm not the parejt and I'm only seeing them a few hours a week so should be more easy going. At my home though, I try to enforce basic boundaries I feel, and it's an issue. They have a couple other local aunts who are "fun" and carefree about this stuff and I can definitely tell they enjoy spending more time with them, which is understandable.

I really want to build positive moments and connections with my little members while not spoiling them and letting the visits become something that ends up negatively exhausting me by the end. Any advice? TIA.[/quote]

Well to be fair 30 minutes for clean up after 3 little kids have been over and isn't really that bad.

I think you need to start setting some rules. You don't need to do them all at once but pick one thing and let them know they at the beginning of the visit of the new rule and then enforce it.

If there are some toys or things they take out that are the messiest, put them away so they don't have easy access and they have to ask for them. If they ask why you moved them just say you were doing spring cleaning and rearranging.

It's getting nice outside, any outside projects you can come up with to do with them?

Try and keep and mind that it's ok if they aren't the best behaved with you. You aren't raising them and their behavior is not a reflection of your caregiving. You are their aunt and it's ok if they just have fun at your house. You don't need to worry about their growth and development because they have parents for doing that.  You don't need to prove that you are a superior caregiver or "parent" which you might be unconsciously doing. You mentioned about being a nanny and all your experience and so on for example

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