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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here, I am still so overwhelmed with the task of teaching them to help pick up. Or help with chores.

I can’t keep doing it myself.

We have tried a lot of approaches, and they work for a while, but I feel like we also have to fight them so much on bedtime, brushing teeth, basic basic picking up (like, please put your water bottle away from your backpack), that I’d rather prioritize those fights.

Another issue we are having is what I call in my head “environmental ADD.” Our kids are far from being unfocused in school. I’ve questioned so many times of all three have ADD, but then I see how they are able to sit and focus when asked. (Just not by me). It’s that they bounce off each other, either playing super well, or fighting. They always seem have another kid to distract themselves and play and talk. Speaking above their volume level makes me get loud, makes the attitude in the house negative. —I try to be loud but positive sounding, but you can hear a level of stress in my voice.

If I could follow a solution, I would. I foresee my kids getting around each one. I am almost hopeless.[/quote]

You need boundaries, and “it worked for awhile “ is code for we don’t know how to be consistent. You need to create routines for daily tasks that are just expected to be done. To create a routine means to teach them to do it at the same time, in the same order, every single day. Schedule those things first in your day and make it happen. Start with things they know how to do but it’s not routine yet like dressing, showering, brushing teeth. Things that should be independent depending on age, if it’s not independent then teach the independence. That’s where I’d start because your kids are capable of being independent in those areas. You may get push back at first, but you can write a list and give them a timer. Tell them ice cream sundaes or another fun treat   available in x number of minutes if they’ve finished before the timer goes off. Check their work and make sure they aren’t half axing it and if they make it in time they get a treat. You want to push independence so don’t do anything for them unless they really need help and just check in with them to make sure they’re thorough. Give them plenty of time to accomplish the routine so they can get the prize. If they don’t make it in time they don’t get it, but set them up for success at first. After a week you cut back the time they have to finish, slowly decreasing the limit until it’s a reasonable time. You don’t always have to give a treat forever just during teaching. You can use things like board games or whatever they’re into rather than food if that’s a concern. Limiting the amount of time they have to get something done will limit their distractions especially if you have something they really want. Remember if they don’t get done in time they don’t get the surprise. If they’re just flat out rude or disrespectful or causing too many problems just send them to bed early. Pick consequences and have a plan for everything and be consistent, be consistent, be consistent. You address chore this same way just building onto the routine. Focus on easy tasks they can already do or something easy to teach. Make it at the same time each week, or a, b, c need to be done by this time each day. Some people use chore charts or lists and have kids check off upon completion. You need to create some systems that work for your family and go from there. There’s many ways to do it the important thing is to set expectations, be gentle and patient when teaching new skills, set them up for success, be consistent but fair, and don’t let them walk all over you. [/quote]

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