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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did they move to be closer to you? 
[/quote]

They did move to be closer to me and my family, which is fine, but it was more than a decade ago and they haven’t even tried to make any friends and expect me to drop everything to be with them. It’s actually a really toxic situation but I’m trying to set boundaries and find them activities since they haven’t done it themselves. [/quote]

A therapist can help you set boundaries without guilt and stop enabling. Don't go into people pleaser mode because it reinforces their unhealthy behavior. You can find them things and email a list. Then it's on them. Don't explain or justify anymore. "That won't work. We can only see you on x day." They will keep sucking the life out of you. You have to think of it as you are providing an alcoholic with alcohol if you don't set boundaries. Developing and maintaining friendships exercises their brain because they have to use good social skills. They don't need to use good social skills with their kids. Making new friends boosts mood and enriches their life and will make them more pleasant to be around. Manipulating you just rots their brains because you are constantly giving the feedback that this is the tactic to use by falling into pleasing and explaining.

If they, like my mother get uppity and hostile when you set boundaries that tell you all you need to know. You don't need to be the "good girl" in their eyes. You need to protect your family, model healthy boundaries and not make it easy for them to rot their brains.[/quote]

Op here. Thanks so much and I definitely need the reminder to not get sucked in constantly by the manipulation. Believe it or not, I have a long term therapist I’ve spoken to, with and without my parents. We take one step forward and then 10 steps back. I know that I am the one that has to stay strong because my parents and sibling will likely continue their behavior. But sometimes it’s just exhausting you know? I so wish I could have a ‘normal’ relationship with my family, where I am not the scapegoat for everyone’s problems. It really does help to hear that I am not alone, though I don’t want anyone else to experience this. Thank you again for the information and helpful reminders![/quote]

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