Reply to My DD keeps yelling that life isn’t fair

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[quote=Anonymous]Nanny here- I recently went through this with a 14 and 9 year old. What I do, is when I’m assigning tasks, everyone gets a role, and we rotate who gets to choose their role. The 14 year old doesn’t care or even want to help, but plays along. For example when baking cookies: We need to measure then stir, it’s big ones turn to choose, she wants to stir. Little one starts to whine, I remind her next time is her turn, she stops whining. Now there is no whining, because she feels like in her world things are fair, because we talk a lot about her feelings. When the older one gets to stay up late and that’s ‘not fair’, I do a special game with the little one before bed, and she gets extra attention, so then it feels ‘fair’.

She doesn’t yell or scream with me ever anymore about things being unfair, but she does it all the time with her mom. Her mom will say “your sister is older”, “life isn’t fair”, and “stop complaining”, and sends her to her room ‘for being rude’. It’s constant fights. The little one just wants to be heard and feel like she matters, if that makes sense. It’s not my job to tell her how to parent, so I don’t say anything, but at least for me the “it’s not fairrrrrrrr” complaining ended after I had a talk with the little one asking how we could work on making things fair, instead of punishing her for having feelings. [/quote]

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