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[quote=Anonymous]Plan to be by yourself and then include him if he comes. "Hey, I am taking Larlo on a walk. Do you want to come?" Yes, great. No. Ok
"I am going to the zoo with Larlo. Would you like to come? We can take two cars and you can leave if you need to." 
"I am going to Florida for a week on May 16. We have a hotel room and the hotel has a pool. I have dinner reservations for three nights."

He can't think that far ahead or wont or whatever. You make plans and make it an option for him to come - like if you know that May 16 is a week he is on trial, don't pick that week since there is no way he can come. But, if there is another "less busy" week, try for that one. You need to live your life. You will feel incredibly resentful if you just sit around waiting for him. He will need to make it a priority or not. But that is his choice. It will either force him to talk to you "hey, I feel left out" or "I miss seeing the kids. I was super sad to not get to go on vacation. It was fun" or he will continue in his pattern.

My DH is not in big law, but he does have long, unpredictable hours and is often not around. I know why it is happening, so I need to make space for him to be involved without making my participation contingent on him.

If you can swing a monthly babysitter, I would do that. Go out and get your nails done, sit in a coffee shop, meet a friend for lunch. Do something just for you. Again, don't wait on him to be available to relieve you.

Finally, not sure how old your kids are, but mine are more vocal now. The oldest will say things like "I wish you were able to come to the zoo" or "I was the only kid without their dad at practice today" or whatever. They are expressing their needs, and it kills him that they feel that way, so he make more time. 
 [/quote]

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