Reply to Do you ever get tired of being good? Good parent, good citizen, good neighbor….

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[quote=Anonymous]I thought I was going to relate to OP based on the title, but I guess I don't.

I don't think I'm as much of a model citizen as you are. While I do eat healthier than I used to in front of my kid, I also happily eat junk when she's not around. Plus, while I make sure my kid is getting a balanced diet, I also eat plenty of stuff like pizza, tacos, French fries, etc. with her. Not junk food but still food I love and find satisfying. We aren't eating steamed veggies and chicken over rice every night (often, just not nightly). With food, I'd say the biggest limitation is not that I must eat perfectly virtuous food all the time, but that my kid doesn't like spicy food. But in that case we just eat the same food and I put hot sauce on mine. This is not hugely different than pre-kids.

I swear in front of my kid. Not often, but when merited (I don't swear at her, that's different). I allow myself to have a full range of feelings, including anger, as long as I contextualize it for her and don't take it out on her. I think it's valuable for her to see that I'm human, that I get mad or frustrated, and that I'm not some kind of perfectly serene angel who never feels hurt or mad.

But on the other hand, I don't miss some of the other stuff I used to do as much as you do. I don't miss going to bars and clubs late at night. I like getting a good night's sleep and not feeling as much pressure to be social. I still go out, my DH and I have dates, I meet friends for drinks, etc. Just not as much as I used to and it feels more like a break or a treat, whereas pre-kids it sometimes felt like a chore, something I had to do to maintain my friendships or, before my DH, in order to meet people I might date. I love being freed of that.

I do often feel like I have to work so hard at doing things right as a parent that it is exhausting. In particular all the administrative stuff you have to be on top of and not screw up because your kid will pay the price -- school and activity registration, getting childcare lined up, planning weekends and vacations so that we can make memories and make the most of that time, facilitating relationships with grandparents, etc. That's when I miss being childless. Back then if I messed up something like this, the only person who paid the price was me and that made it easy to decide what was worth doing (will I be mad at myself for skipping this?). But with kids, your kid might be mad at you for something as simple as forgetting that they were supposed to wear orange to school on Friday. Staying on top of all the kid related stuff is overwhelming at times, and there are lots of people, not just your kid, who are eager to jump all over you if you mess it up. I'd love a break from that.[/quote]

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