Reply to Man I’m dating constantly rescues 21 yr old daughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
My BIL supports his adult son 100%. The adult son has clinical depression, sleep issues and Asperger's and despite a high IQ dropped out of college and has never had a job.

[b]I would not inject judgement into this unless you are extremely sure this young lady does not have severe issues that may not be entirely visible to you. [/b]

But yes, it could be a dealbreaker.

[/quote]

This is so accurate. And yes, easily a dealbreaker. Stepchildren dynamics are challenging at all ages. There are obviously issues of some sort; maybe not severe ones, but at least anxiety. It is so easy to throw around “spoiled”, “coddled” and “failure to launch” at parents when you have fully functioning adult children. [/quote]

Yeah, this isn't the case though. She is 21 and of an age where window-shattering screaming tantrums over a lost book (actual event) followed by Dad rushing out to drive all over town to find a replacement book.

My kids have had to feel some regular everyday consequences, etc, so they can deal with basic issues. I wasn't aware that I was raising them this way at the time. I, along with their Dad, just showed them more or less how to deal with life.

Two things about this kid are that due to her parent's divorce, they overcompensate for everything- like two birthdays (a half birthday party?!), etc. The other is she is an only child had to slightly older parents so she is VERY PRECIOUS to them. I think they are still traumatized by pregnancy losses, 25+ years later. And this daughter is SO precious to them that they cannot abide her having even the slightest discomfort of real life. I do have empathy for them, in that respect.

However... c'mon, it's a bit weird now. I'll reply with a list of more examples, but I guarantee any of you common-sense parents would agree with me- just think of people you know who overindulged young kids, but imagine they continue to do this for early 20s and beyond. I suspect this will never end or abate. [/quote]

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