Reply to Our closest parent friends are becoming kind of intense parents. Anyone BTDT and have advice?

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Reply to "Our closest parent friends are becoming kind of intense parents. Anyone BTDT and have advice?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I read what you wrote, my first thought was "those parents are struggling."

To go from being laid back to fairly suddenly (even if it's over the course of a year) being this uptight about this kind of stuff to me implies that something isn't working for them. I don't mean this in a judgmental way, but a concerned way. Could be one of a million things - something totally unrelated like an aging parent and they're looking for something they can control. Could be that while they felt in their stride with parenting a baby and a toddler and a preschooler, the elementary years are stressing them out for some reason (everyone is better at parenting some ages than others IMHO). Could be that something is going on with their kid that they're trying to solve or troubleshoot like a behavior problem that they're not having a lot of luck with. Could be a tense marriage. Could be that they're dealing with secondary infertility. Could be the post pandemic world and trying to re-find their balance.

So, my approach would be to try to sit down with the parent you're closest with and say something like "how are you holding up these days? The adjustment of the kids going to elementary school feels so big" or something else true for you that hits on a potential stressor, and see what they say. See if you can draw them out. Be a good listener. Maybe they need an understanding, sympathetic ear. Or maybe they need some more concrete help - maybe you could have their kid over every Wednesday or something after school. Who knows.

Now, it's possible that while you had similar parenting philosophies when the kids were tiny, now you've just diverged. In which case, I would try and decide if you value their friendship enough to move the focus of it away from the kids, in which case, you try and get somewhat aggressive about changing the subject or finding other common ground, or you can decide that this is no longer the relationship you need or want, in which case, you can start reaching out less and less until you hit a more comfortable distance. But honestly, I think it's more likely that they are struggling. [/quote]

This.  Try to listen empathetically and keep an open mind for what the issue ends up being.  People don't get uptight for no reason.[/quote]

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