Reply to My 3 year old is a brat

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Reply to "My 3 year old is a brat"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, what you describe is absolutely typical for a 3-4 year old.  It's developmental, and it's annoying and embarassing (though it really shouldn't be given how age-appropriate it is.)  Which is another way of saying, no, it's not a response to your previous impatience or yelling.  So first let go of the mom guilt.

Beyond that, I agree with most everyone above.  Try clear, immediate and connected consequences for bad behavior.  (Meaning:  if she throws the bike helmet, you say we don't throw, and tell her she is acting like a girl who is not ready to ride her bike, so there will be no bike riding today (or this weekend)).  No warnings, no counting.  Swift, clear consequences.

In addition, we mix it up sometimes with sticker charts to reward GOOD behavior.  The Alan Kazdin book is worth reading to do it right.  Within a few days we fixed the morning getting dressed tantrum.  We're now working on the more general "calm down and talk like a big girl when you are upset" goal.  It's moving more slowly but we're seeing progress.

Which leads to my last thought.  20:58 is onto something about the "more hugs" part.  For us, hugs are not instead of swift consequences -- they're in addition to.  Meaning, we're very clear and physical about the reconciliation after time outs or other consequences.  We've taught DD to apologize with a complete sentence ("I'm sorry for . . . ") after she's calmed down, and then we do hug it out.  We also look for ways to spontaneously praise good behavior choices, often with a hug.  I think that part of this age is a push/pull with parental love.  They need strong, consistent boundaries, but they also need physical remimnders of our love.

Good luck (and ignore silly people like 19:13.)[/quote]

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