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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Dating someone religious when you’re not religious "
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[quote=Anonymous] Some of what makes him a “really great guy” is his how he practices and implements his beliefs. Do you realize this? Find out from him what he wants from a partner to support his beliefs. Are you welcome to participate in his beliefs, i.e. go to Mass with him. I’ll add that there are times when I go to church solely because I like sitting with my husband in church, meaning if he wasn’t here I’d probably not go on a given Sunday and that sometimes I want to go solely to sit with him. It’s good bonding activity. It also provides continuity, we see the same people, we have things to talk about even if we come away with different impressions, and our kids are learning a lot. They have gotten opportunities that simply don’t exist unless you do some kind of religious training. They are also usually kinder to each other and to us as parents when we go to church then when we don’t. I’ll also add that as you get older, you will probably become more religious that tends to happen when you experience things like a person dying after a routine surgery or a person surviving a terrible car wreck or something. I had a miscarriage awhile back. The pregnancy was healthy until I miscarried and we had ultrasounds and other data to back it up. When I talked with my dad about it, he said “It’s really up to God, it always is no matter how much you think it isn’t”. My dad hasn’t been to a church in years. He and my sister (who also hasn’t been to church in years) were very comforting with their ideas that the baby was in Heaven. My mom, who always insisted we go to church on Sunday never said a word about Heaven. She was nice to me, it’s just interesting that the 2 people who were the most spiritually comforting were the ones who seem to do everything they can to avoid a church building. Focus on how he treats you. If he’s a jerk end the relationship. If he uses religion to be a jerk end the relationship. Make sure you know the difference, he can’t rewrite church policy because you disagree with it. Then again, if you don’t like him for whatever reason, well, stop dating him. Just don’t use religion and what he can’t change to justify it. Make sure that the place he goes to church treats you well. We joined a church that liked my husband and treated me terribly. We nearly divorced over it because it took him awhile to see how poorly they were treating me. We had to have a well, come-to-Jesus moment and the result of that was we need to both be treated with love and respect. If that doesn’t happen, we need a church that does. Not going means that we don’t get the benefits I mentioned earlier which isn’t acceptable to me. All religions are going to have things you don’t like, but then that’s true of everything, the grocery store sells food I don’t like yet I still shop there. I’d suggest you go to Mass with him and see what you think. Make sure he doesn’t excuse bad behavior, i.e. a former teacher treating you poorly because she wanted him to marry her daughter. Be careful with discussions about why women can’t be priests, you may have valid points, but it’s not like he can go to the father and say “you know, this girl I’m dating thinks the church is wrong, change the policy”. Try and meet some priests and nuns, the good ones are incredible, though that’s true of anybody who truly loves and believes in what they do. [/quote]
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