Reply to S/o how do you have change your parenting approach to go from 2 to 3 kids successfully?

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Reply to "S/o how do you have change your parenting approach to go from 2 to 3 kids successfully?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I was the PP on the other 3 kids thread who made the comment about needing to be more chill once you have 3+ kids.  For context, DH and I both work FT, mostly from home, although I'll start going back a few days/week (my commute is short).  Neither of us work more than 45+ hours a week, usually.  Our kids are currently 10, 8, and 6.  We love having three and for the most part manage it well, I think.

Here's what works for us:

-Not overcommitting to kids' activities.  We aim for ones they can do together (summer swim team, year-round lessons at the same time) or individual ones that are on the easy side (a short walk from our house, predictable schedules, etc.)
-High expectations around kids keeping their spaces clean.  We really had to work at this one and it's ongoing, but we don't let our kids trash their rooms or the rest of the house
-Prioritizing sleep for everyone.  We were very rigid about our kids' sleep schedules when they were little, sleep trained each of them as babies, still attend carefully to their sleep (and ours).  We don't routinely keep them out late on weekends, for example, and we also never had elaborate bedtime routines.  We'll take the short-term pain of sleep training for the long-term gain of good sleepers
-Weekend activities as a family.  We don't do many one-off playdates for each kid as an individual.  They get lots of play time with their friends at aftercare and they enjoy each others' company (mostly).  Weekend social activities are usually with other families in our neighborhood or whom we know pre-kids with whom the kids and adults all get along.  We don't worry about matching up each kid with a specific friend; we expect them all to play together and get along while the adults socialize.  Our kids are very good at entertaining themselves and at getting along with whoever is around, mostly

I'm sure there are others, but those are the big ones.  We do walk our kids to and from school/aftercare, we have regular family dinners and a movie night, so we make sure the kids are getting enough attention.  None of our kids have SN, which goes a long way towards lower stress levels, but none of the kids is "easy."  One has peanut allergies, one is attracted to drama like a moth to flame, one struggles with reading, etc., so we do still have our challenges.  I guess the other thing is that we're flexible about what it means to have a good life.  We're not wrapped up in our kids going to specific colleges or having a certain kind of career or credential or being the best in multiple things.  We want them to be productive, thoughtful citizens, and there are lots of ways to do that.

The other big way it works to have 3+ kids is a SAHP and/or tons of family help.  We have neither, but I don't knock those who do.  [/quote]

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