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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you have two college aged kids and a baby??
Suicide would be a bigger problem for me.[/quote]

op here, and LOL!  I would have said the same a couple of years ago, but we're actually loving our second go around.  We're older (obviously), more relaxed about the whole thing, better off financially...plus our 3rd is the opposite sex of our first two, so it's a whole new ball game!

Wow...I came back to lots of good comments, helpful and very insightful.  I do think familiarity does make intimacy more difficult in some ways.  We know each other soooo well, it's hard to take on a different role in the bedroom without feeling self-conscious, or like a fake.  Also, thank you to those who get that I just want to feel wanted, and I guess his initiating it would display that to me.  I mean, what guy turns it down when the other starts it?  Probably not many.  So I want to feel like he wants it, and if I start it, he's just doing what any man would do, but by him starting it, he actually wants me.

I am surprised that my "barbs" were seen as the next worst thing to cutting off his manhood, though.  [b]I know they are mean but I've only done it a couple-three times and it's not like I said he stinks in the sack or that I wished his mom would die or something.  I just say something along the lines of "why should I care about this or that since we're not screwing?" (where this or that could be the cause of the fight.)  I know, the two have nothing to do with each other it seems, but I think that's what fights are...dredging up what is really bothering you & throwing it out.[/b]  But, geez, if that's the most hateful thing or lowest blow ever made, then there are some pretty perfect marriages around DC.  But, even at that, it will cause me to reevaluate everything I say during an argument and make sure it's not insulting or overboard.  The "I" statement advice is very good, thank you!

I'm way confused by the crazy's comments:  I don't know how me not initiating = me withholding, and I'm definitely not saying "that the only thing he is good for is sex and since he's not providing that why should she care what he wants".  I think he's stretching it too far, but maybe he's projecting some of his own past issues.  Not sure.

Finally, my appearance...it's blech.  I'm overweight and in desperate need of a haircut and eyebrow wax.  I haven't had a spa pedicure in 4 months.  But the good news is I'm dieting and going this weekend to get "refreshed" for our spring break!   Maybe that will make the difference.  ;)

But, back to my original question, is anyone else's DH the one not wanting the action, or is it usually the woman that's not interested?[/quote]

OP, I wrote one of the more understanding posts earlier but I really don't think you are getting it. Fights are NOT about dredging up what is really bothering you and throwing it out in a mean, nasty, unhealthy way. "Fights" should be about working things out. Making digs like that accomplishes nothing and creates bitterness for both people. You really need to rethink your approach and try to find some sensitivity about how your DH might be taking these comments. The guys who responded saw it as a low blow. Chances are your DH sees it the same way whether you think it makes sense or not. And I will tell you that it does NOT make sense to approach a problem in that way. Why can't you tell him that you would like him to make you feel wanted? Also why can't you do some things that he might see as sexy or as making an effort for him?

About your question: I have friends whose husbands really won't have sex with them no matter what they do. And they are doing NICE things to get their husbands in the mood. It can go either way. Usually it seems to be the wife who loses interest but the explicit forum is full of women who aren't getting any from their husbands. My husband and I are kind of mutually uninterested most of the time because we are tired when we see each other but he does make me feel sexy and wanted so that helps. [/quote]

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