Reply to "My daughter is my best friend"

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Reply to ""My daughter is my best friend" - Explain"

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[quote=Anonymous]I only have boys, but while I'm pretty clear that I'm their parent and not their friend.

Having said that, I do think that for me, with my oldest who is 14, there has been a shift in our relationship so that it feels more friendlike.  To me, a friend is someone I choose to spend time with doing things that we both enjoy.  I spend a lot of time with my younger kids.  I love and cherish that time with them.  But most of the time, I am doing things that I only enjoy because of who I am doing them with.  The activities I do with my younger kids are, for the most part, things I'd never do with a friend.  If I read a book with them, it's not a book I'd ever choose to read otherwise.  If we go somewhere, it's probably someplace I wouldn't go otherwise (e.g. soccer practice, a place I'd never go if I didn't have kids, or minigolf) or we're doing something there that's different than what I'd do without kids (e.g. I might go to the pool and swim laps without kids, but I wouldn't play sharks and minnows).

But with my teen, there are suddenly more times when I'm doing something, and sharing the experience with him, that I'd do anyway, or I'd do with an adult friend.  He likes musical theater, and we'll watch a show together.  He likes to listen to audiobooks, and the books he chooses or that I suggest are things I'm actually interested in reading.  He likes to hike, and when we hike I feel like I'm also getting exercise and going at a pace I might otherwise choose.

And I do honestly ask his advice for stuff.  Not personal stuff, like my marriage, but I'll ask a question that I might ask an adult friend like "what should I get an elderly aunt for Christmas?" and he's got really good ideas, or I'll say "What was the weather like when you walked the dog, do you think I'll want a cardigan?"

So, while I don't use that "my best friend" language, I can think of ways that our relationship is more like a friendship than it was a few years ago.  Of course, there are other ways that it's still totally different.  [/quote]

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