Reply to How many nights to stay when moving kid into dorms? Advice BTDT please

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In my experience, watching my kids and their friends, most parents leave right after move in or the next day (in either event, don't definitely plan on seeing your kid after move in; they are off to make friends and get on with college life).  We always stop by for one last hug, though.

We arrived late afternoon two days before move in, as we needed to spend one day picking up move-in items.

Good luck.  I'm a dad, and readily admit I was ready to cry like a baby.  It's very emotional, but you gotta hold it all together for the kid.  [/quote]

I should add to my post that when I say picking stuff up the day before, I didn't mean shopping except for last minute stuff.  Many big box stores near college towns (Target, Bed Bath & Beyond, etc) allow you to order and pay for what you need in your hometown store or online and pick it up at your college store destination.  College Boxes is also very popular.  [/quote]geez.  This brought a tear to my eyes.  It is so emotional.   Just thinking of all the times from a little baby to launch time.  Gulp.  [/quote]

That’s why you keep it short and sweet. Keep everyone busy hauling and cleaning and unpacking. Kiss Goodbye. And walk away. There are definitely parents who planned to stay for a week at my first kid’s school “just in case,” “just so I can pick stuff up and be helpful,”  “just so I can see them settled,” “I’ll check out the area and be there if they need me”.   The drawing it out and hanging around while the kid tries to adult for the first time helps no one. It’s a bandaid you gotta just tear off.

Having been there done that, I recommend:

Stopping somewhere nice on the way home for a night or two to reconnect with your spouse or spouse and kid who also said goodbye and get your bearings. A little time for the remaining family members to bond and adjusts walking into the house without your kid and adjusting to a new way of operating less harsh.

Set up a Zoom call about a week after move in.  Keep it light. Keep it short. Include the dog. Ask to be shown the dorm room. Seeing your kid settling into their dorm and life is very comforting. For me, it was during COVID, and that was when I knew it would all be okay.

Invite over that mom whose also just sent a kid to college, watch beaches and ugly cry (at the movie, of course)

Schedule something for your family members at home to look forward too. If you are empty nesting, there is nothing stopping you and DH from heading the Caribbean in October, during what would normally a school week.

I always write my kids a Mommy letter I hand them when I say goodbye. An I love you, I’m proud of you, I’m always here if you need me note, in which I talk about the personal growth and accomplishments they’ve had and challenges they’ve overcome in the last year. It’s my way of saying the mushy stuff without embarrassing them and crying.  And it seems important to them. They ask before we leave home if I have written the mommy letter.

That’s all I got. 
[/quote]

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