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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. He’s never cared about money, in my theory, because he grew up with enough. His mom never worked and he had a nice UMC-private school-European trips upbringing.

I grew up in poverty with a single mother. I fear being poor and cold and housing insecure because that was my childhood. I chose a passionless yet decently paid career and do not at all love what I do, but it pays the bills.

What does he do? Do-gooder, nonprofit work. He wants to make the world a better place! He’s a good person, which is what attracted me to him. When we married, we (I?) went in with the mindset of equals—we split chores and bills and earned similar salaries.

Then we had a child and all sense of equality flew out the window. He continued doing his pre-child share of duties and took a lower paying job (to make a bigger difference!) and I took a higher paying job (to pay for the child!) and now several years have passed and my resentment has grown in proportion to his shrinking salary.

He should have married a nice trust-funder.

I don’t want a SAHD as a partner, plus I don’t think he’s cut out for it. When he’s in charge, things fall through the cracks. Half days are forgotten, homework is undone, and (as awful as this sounds) he’s a terrible cook.

I sound greedy and selfish. I worry a lot about whether we’ll have enough and I’m upset that my worries can’t be shared or alleviated with him. [/quote]

You’re not greedy and selfish. You’re doing 2 full time jobs, one paid (your real job) and one unpaid (being a mum). Unless your husband has family money or a trust helping out with living expenses, he’s a freeloader taking advantage of your background/psychology, knowing that you’ll do everything while he doddles around and gets the benefits of being seen as a do-gooder family man by outsiders. I get and agree with you on not wanting a SAHD. He’s not a partner, he’s like another child you have to care for.[/quote]

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