Reply to Family roles: Golden child, black sheep, middle child

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[quote=Anonymous]I don’t think “golden child” refers to the most successful child (however you define success, which varies). I think it’s just the sibling who gets the most positive attention. The black sheep gets the most negative attention. The forgotten child doesn’t get much attention. The actually qualities and attributes of these people are irrelevant. It’s just about how parental love and attention are focused.

In my family, my older sister is the golden child and everyone understands this EXCEPT my sister and mom, who would argue it can’t possibly be the case. But my sister gets far and away the most attention and praise. My parents have 7 grandchildren and four kids, but they mostly talk about my sister and her kids. They’ve also been hugely supportive financially and in other ways. My sister gets an income from them for some minor cleaning work she does, but then they will praise her for being a SAHM. They have also employed my BIL for much of their marriage, though he did finally start his own business recently. They helped my sister and BIL buy their home and renovate it. It’s just a lot of focus and attention.

My little brother is the black sheep. He is creative and has a lovely family. He lives near my parents and is a kind person, though was a disorganized kid who didn’t like school. This is really the only reason he is the black sheep.

I am the forgotten middle child. Being overlooked did a number on my self esteem that I had to address in therapy, but now I am glad for it. I’d rather be forgotten than have the dynamics they have. [/quote]

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