Reply to BigLaw Wives/Mothers: Do you WOTH or SAH?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok, this is not my personal opinion, so please don't bite my head off...

But, my DH was told (off the record, of course) after we had our first child that if he wanted to make partner that I should quit my biglaw job to SAH.  The reasons given were 1) that two full time big law parents are either neglecting their kid or their jobs and that neither thing will be looked favorably upon; and 2) that (some lower paid partners who's wives don't work) will resent the fact that you and your wife together out earn them, especially when you have to stay home with a sick kid.

This advice came from 3 partners who were ~40-45.[/quote]

I'm sorry that someone said that to your husband (and indirectly to you.)  Nothing is universal and this person was making big generalizations.  Every person and every marriage and every child is different and some people can make it work just fine.

I think this person was wrong on a number of levels. I work PT (in a pretty low paying field) and DH is a biglaw partner. Some of his partners/friends have wives that work FT at high paying jobs so they have more money than us.  I would never think to envy their money since we all have a god's plenty anyway.  Honestly, the issue of a sick kid never really comes up because the firm has very good emergency daycare options and most parents just work it out.  People take time off to take kids to doctor's appointments, but as long as they keep pulling their weight and don't expect anyone else to do their work for them, the law (at least at the partner level) has enough flexibility built into it that this doesn't seem to be a problem.

I felt like the problem was actually bigger before we had kids.  Since we had kids later than many others, when we were childless many of DH's colleagues would leave early or have weekend plans and assume that DH would pick up the slack.  Some even said to him that they thought this was fair since he didn't have a "family." At one level, I understood why they felt this way and tried not to take it personally.  But, on the other hand, everyone was getting paid the same amount so I didn't see why DH should be expected to work more nights and weekend because he didn't have kids.  Now I remind him constantly not to make distinctions between his associates based on who has kids or let the ones with kids freeload. I know that DH tries to be really accommodating in terms of flexibility and being reasonable when people have to be out of the office as long as the parent gets the work done before it begins to impact other people's schedules/plans/workflow.  So, I guess if the person who talked to your husband was thinking along these lines, he might of been talking about partners being irritated when people with kids and not a SAH spouse ask for preferential treatment.  Really, as long as your personal life doesn't impact other people's personal lives, I don't think most people care very much what the economics of your household look like.  [/quote]

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