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Reply to "How early did you know your mother didn’t “like” you or you didn’t “like” her and"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP have you read Ross Greene's The Explosive Child? You don't describe anger and temper, but his method for communicating with your child would still be really helpful. You and your DH need to be 100% aligned on how to parent, as well. If he's resistant to family therapy sitting down with him with a third-party's plan vs. him continuing to perceive you as reactive to his parenting style might be a start. There's a lot of free resources on his website: livesinthebalance.org/parents-and-families/ [b]I don't mean to sound like I'm advertising and obviously there's no one size fits all, but with my own very difficult kid it made a huge difference to shift perspective from reacting to/trying to change behavior to questioning - what skills does my kid lack that causes him to act like this and how can I help him build those skills?[/b][/quote] As a former explosive child and even explosive adult, this is how it’s done. Skills, strategy, flexibility and patience. My own daughter is beginning to follow in my footsteps, and I know it’s frustrating, but I don’t take it personally nor do I see it as a failing of her or myself…but an opportunity for us both to work together. I’m sure it will get worse when she gets older and her teenage brain takes over. But Im committed to doing the work on myself to be able to manage the storm and prioritise our long term relationship. My mom took and continues to take everything personally. Because she always saw my behavior as a reflection of her then everything was perceived has an attack or challenge and that was the base of our interactions. To this day, because we’ve never learned differently. She “tries” because she loves me, and I try b/c I love her. But it’s all takes a lot of effort. [/quote]
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