Reply to is saying you are joking a form of gaslighting?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really hate “I was joking!” as a defense because it’s such an easy way to avoid accountability for things you say. But it bothers me more when someone uses it to get out of being held responsible for something hurtful. Like to me the classic example is making fun of someone in a personal way (i.e. appearance, background, the way they talk, intelligence, etc.) and then when they see that it’s hurtful to say, “oh I was just joking.”

I specifically dislike this because it doesn’t matter if you were joking in this case. You were being unkind. The proper response when called on it is “I’m sorry, I should not have said that.”

But it sounds like your exact situation is about hyperbole, and I don’t think that’s as bad. You had an argument, they used hyperbole to make a point, it didn’t work so they said they were joking. Not a huge deal IMO.[/quote]

Agree. When I was younger (under 24 or 25)  and more insecure I would tease ... but in retrospect I realize it really was a way to put somebody down to make myself feel better about myself. Luckily, I grew up and I now try to be kind and not tease in a way that might hurt people. The "I was just joking" is even more extreme ... it is going out of your way to put somebody down, and then saying it didn't mean anything (it is also gaslighting, yes).

I don't think OP's example can be determined, however.[/quote]

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